Most humans complain on a fairly regular basis, more than they are aware of. They complain about the weather, about the news, about other people, about their work, about the food that is served, about what they don’t have time for, about their bodies, about their past, and etcetera. A lot of time and mental energy is taken up with complaining.

Complaining is expressing dissatisfaction or annoyance with someone, something, a situation or a state of affairs. The source of complaining is judgment. Judgment stems from the ego and upholds the ego as a false sense of self, which means complaining is a primary mechanism for maintaining the ego.

Some types of complaining are unique to specific self-image characteristics. For example, if you like the self-perception of being better than others, you may complain about other people habitually. If you like the self-perception of being sophisticated, you may complain about the food in restaurants, which never quite meets your standards. Other types of complaining are more general. For example, most people complain about things like the weather, the news and the work they do.

Regardless of the type of complaining that goes on unnoticed in you, complaining is an ego preservation strategy. If awakening to the true Self is important to you, letting go of complaining could be important to you also.

The first step to letting go of complaining is to bring complaining into awareness. Bringing complaining into awareness is different than bringing it to judgment. Judgment is of the ego and supports the ego. Awareness is the true Self.

When you bring complaining to awareness, complaining is noticed, but not judged. In other words, you don’t condemn yourself for complaining when it’s noticed. Instead, you simply make note of it. You see that it is present, and you also notice that it is out of harmony with your purpose, which is to realize the true Self. Once you come into contact with your desire to know and abide as the true Self, you simply drop all interest in the present complaining. Just let it go, like you would let go of anything else that no longer interests you.

When you let go of complaining, there will be a vacuum; that is, there will be a space where the complaining was just a moment ago. That space is the true Self, so instead of filling the space with something else, simply linger in the space. Notice it. Examine it. Become familiar with what it feels like, even as a conversation continues.

As one becomes proficient with dropping complaining whenever it is noticed and moving into the space that is left in its absence, one begins to experience more peace in life. One may also experience more joy. Peace and joy come from recognition of the true Self. In other words, complaining used to block the presence of the true Self with a false self-image. When the complaining is dropped, the block is dropped, and the true Self naturally shines forth as unprovoked peace and happiness.

Each time you notice yourself complaining about anything, drop it out of a desire to experience your true Self. Just drop it, and let the vacuum that replaces it simply be. Don’t try to make anything happen. Don’t try to feel peace or happiness.

Dropping complaining every time you notice it
and staying with the absence
is all you do.

In the beginning, staying with the vacuum … the nothing that follows … may be uncomfortable or disorienting for you. Don’t worry about that. You are simply more accustomed to the false self than the true Self, so it feels out-of-the-ordinary for you. That’s okay. Just keep practicing letting go of complaining and staying with the emptiness that follows. If you keep practicing in this way, you will become more accustomed to the space, and as you do, ease will naturally arise in that space. Wherever complaining used to be, ease will be. That ease … that peace … that unprovoked contentment is the true Self, and it is no longer blocked by complaining.

As I reflect back to a couple of decades ago when I first met my now husband, Mike, I recall that I was aware of another side to me – the grumpy, moody, “wanting my way most of the time- girl”. I noticed “her” and did not enjoy when she would rear her ugly head. During these times, I was able to communicate to Mike saying things like, “I don’t know why I feel like this. It’s not you, it’s something inside of me.” and “I know that I am being grumpy right now, I’m sorry.”

Mike was understanding and remained gentle with me (or maybe he was just petrified of me!?) seldom engaging with this grumpiness. Basically, he didn’t participate in this “story” with me.

Mike is a genius with computers and equally so with programming and developing software so I would constantly beg for him to make me a computer chip.

“Mike, I just need a computer chip for my brain. I know all of this crappy self stuff isn’t me and if you just programmed me a chip for my brain, I would be fixed.”

The chip comment went on for years! And I continued to look for the answer as to why I wasn’t able to control these negative emotions. I bought hundreds of self help books (usually not reading them all the way through), joined different churches, took self-help classes, etc. I continued to joke about the chip with Mike while secretly hoping that he was working on it and would surprise me with it one day.

Almost one year ago, when I found myself in the midst of some serious struggle in my life, I was “provided with a reminder” about a book that I had purchased a couple of years ago. I went to my book shelf, found the blue book, took it off and began to read.

This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.

This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God.

Quote from A Course in Miracles, the Second Edition, portions of which are subject to copyright by the Foundation for Inner Peace.

I didn’t know exactly what those words meant but I do recall feeling something stir within my soul.

I now realize that there was nothing about me that needed to be fixed. I am as God created me. I am a student in practice to train my mind to remember the Truth of who I am. A Course in Miracles was indeed the chip that I needed.

I appreciate how many friends here understand my spirituality. I love your support and kindness. I love your grace that I know you have because you are reading this. I love it even if you stop now, and scroll away. Thank you for being my friend.

I wrote a poem. Instead of explaining, I wanted to show. Show you my meditation:

Here it is, the teacher of them all. Every blessed one of us at “school” nowadays, morning-noon-and-night.

Every Awakening Together Trustee Meeting begins with the contemplation of a centering quote. In the last meeting, Jacquelyn shared this quote:

“If you can’t do great things, Mother Teresa used to say, do little things with great love. If you can’t do them with great love, do them with a little love. If you can’t do them with a little love, do them anyway. Love grows when people serve.” ~ John Ortberg, The Me I Want to Be: Becoming God’s Best Version of You

That quote reminded me of a song I used to listen to over and over and over again in the summer of 2004. I lived in Massachusetts at the time. I was studying A Course in Miracles and doing the daily workbook lessons. I hadn’t received my calling yet. I had no idea a calling was coming, but for some reason I was extremely attracted to this song.

The song was A Song for Mother Teresa by Scott Grace. The simple lyrics say:

Let every action of mine be something beautiful for God.
Let every action of mine be something beautiful for God.
Peace and love, peace and love in the simplest service.
Peace and love, peace and love in the simplest service.

In this life we can’t do great things, only small things with great love.
In this life we can’t do great things, only small things with great love.

Through Spirit’s grace, for all my days, I will serve with joy.
Peace and love, peace and love in the simplest service.

I remember sitting in the car while Jasmine was in gymnastics class or taking horseback riding lessons, listening to the song over and over. I would close my eyes and allow the song to penetrate my heart as deeply as possible. I put all of my attention on the song, and I did not let my mind wander away from its lyrics.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this song was preparing me for service. In just a few months, I would receive a calling, and a life of guidance that I never could have predicted would begin.

I believe this song gave me the right attitudes of service.

Giving, without trying to get in return.
Humility, instead of seeking praise.
And the willingness to do whatever guidance asked, without reservation.

As I prepare to step back from the role of President-Minister, and Awakening Together prepares for a new phase of service-life, will you listen to this song? I believe Awakening Together will call forth service from many of you, service you may not have imagined and cannot predict. Will you let this song prepare you as it prepared me?

Transcription from Sunday Service on December 8th, 2019 by Rev. Beverly Toporowski.

If it’s magic, if it’s important, if it’s precious.  Then It is important that I to tend to it.  I love this song, which is so pure and simple.  When I listen to this song, I can feel there are no choices to be made.  There is only one choice.  All the false choices and false needs just fall away.  Such a beautiful reminder of what is truly real.

I chose the reading from NTI Matthew Chapter 13 because it spoke to me of the nature of the journey to awakening. It speaks about how we must tirelessly lay ourselves aside.  Can I surrender my understanding or my perception, for what is real? There is absolutely no other choice.  I love how the choice is so clear and simple. No 10 steps to understanding, just one.  I love this simplicity.

All that I do, I do by choice.  This does not seem apparent if I am not abiding in the Self.  It would seem that outer influences are running everything, and that I am the victim of which direction the current is flowing.  Sinking deep within the unaffected Self allows us to see the current, which is not the Self.  If we understand this, we can choose.  No matter how many times I get swept up, I can reorient myself through the Self.  We are all vulnerable to the under-toe of illusion.  I have seen myself setting up the most ridiculous routines in my life, causing myself stress, whether it’s the hoops that I have to jump through to get through my day, or the obstacle course that I set up around getting my kids ready for their day—so much happening, none of it necessary.  ALL that I do, I do by choice. There is no exception.  That was one, that I had to sit with.  “ALL of it I do by choice?” I would ask myself.  Then I think back to how, as my children are moving into adolescence, in my opinion, there is never more me projected into my experience than at this time in their lives.  To quote myself exactly, “Put your retainer in you mouth”—thinking about all the money I spent.  “put deodorant on!”—not wanting them to be alienated “Put a coat on, its cold today!”—as I beg my daughter to wear a coat in 40-degree weather.  Or here’s a crazy one “If you don’t stop stretching the wire to your ear buds, you won’t be able to hear out of them!”  –all obviously crises!  Meanwhile, the false self is losing sleep!  Empty threats flying!  Not to mention that the “I am bad” belief makes it difficult hold any boundaries with consistency.  There is never a more crazy-making time in a parent’s life (in my opinion) as when your children are coming into adolescence. It is the epitome of letting go.  If there are levels to insanity, I think I hit them all!  I really had to look at myself.  I was reading some books about dealing with difficult scenarios with children.  And there was some wisdom.  It was called Natural Consequences—meaning let life be the teacher, of course barring anything that may cause harm. So—No head phones, no music; no coat, the cold is the teacher; no retainer, it’ll be what it will be.  The beauty is that sometimes everything is fine and life is teaching me too. So, when you’ve done all you can do—”Chop wood, carry water”—then there’s Natural Consequences.  The Zen saying is not “Chop, wood, carry water, and then get attached to the outcome”.  To me, Natural Consequences is another way of saying that awareness knows what it is doing.  I don’t have to control everything.  So, YES! The answer to my question is, ALL that I do, I do by choice.  And I can choose to leave the circus at any time.

What does it mean to lay myself aside?  To me this means to lay aside that self that is affected.  To lay aside that self to whom matter matters.   The One who has the gripe or complaint, the one who is in terror, the one who feels loss or even, the one who is deeply satisfied by current circumstances.  When I have not laid myself aside, it has been because I had a plan, or I feel that my idea of what is happening is true, or I feel that I know, and because I know, I have to carry out my insane plan, because not to, would be irresponsible, so my ego tells me.  I have made many regrettable choices along this line of thinking.  There is no understanding that can be had, unless I lay myself aside.  No matter how complex I may think something is, the answer is right here.  I need but clear the confusion to allow clarity to show itself.  I am viewing life through a defective lens—and all my choices are made from this faulty perception.  I remember when a family member was having some digestive issues, and it was beginning to worry me.  Me, being a doctor was throwing everything at it, creating even more confusion. The course I was taking was logical, and well thought out, but apparently not what was needed.  I then let it go.  I let go of the outcome, my fear, all of it.  I truly did lay myself aside—without expectation or motive.  Then it came to me without effort as I was sleeping, something so simple that in all my thinking, had not occurred to me.  And with its implementation, the illusion disappeared.  I say illusion, because there was never a problem.  “There is no one or no thing keeping us from our Self”.  Sometimes surrender will look different though. NTI Luke 9 that I happened to be reading the other day says—You will not be healed by the following ways that make sense to you.  Following what makes sense to you has brought you to the point of needing healing, and so it cannot be healing itself.  So, It is not always about relief from the perceived problem, but freedom is the gift, regardless.  What I sometimes hear is “stop seeking to fix your affairs.  Inherent in this seeking is, more affairs to fix.  It is not Truth you seek.  You seek to save your world.  You seek a temporary peace because you seek to solve the temporal.  Therefore, the solution is temporal also.”

Then it says in NTI, “not everyone you meet will be ready to make the choice that you have made.”  I have gotten hung up on this one, more times than I can count.  I have thought that everybody needs to be aligned with what I am doing for things to work.  I constantly have to remind myself that there is no other.  I can see myself bucking against the current, needing things to be different before I set myself aside.  To continue to have love and acceptance for what is, is most key.  Loving and accepting what is, means no judgment.  There are times when I can hear myself saying, “this is never going to work”—why would I say this?  Because I think I know.  My thoughts have already distracted me from my purpose.  I have already assigned meaning to everything and everyone.  Loving what is, is the alchemy that allows one to see clearly.   If I give up my confusion, then confusion will cease, if I give up my fear, then fear will cease, if I give up my solutions, then problems will cease—because none of these things are real.  But I am the only one that needs to lay myself aside.  The temptation to have everyone get on board with what I am choosing, is a trap.  There is only one choice and it is mine.  The idea of needing to get involved in what others are choosing, just creates a confusion and complexity that does not exist.

It is my choice that must be guarded—my choice to lay myself aside.  There is no other choice to be made.  No matter how many times I may forget, the choice that I must make never changes.  What I have found, though, is that the Ego tries to tell me that I am not worthy of even making the choice, because of the number of times that I have been distracted.  The ego sometimes seems to almost make light of my journey due to its inconsistency at times, but these too are distractions.  I cannot fall so far where surrender cannot return me immediately back to the Self.  The choice must be made Now, again and again.  The ego would say, “so just like that, you think you can just go back like nothing happened?”  and I now say, “Yup!” with the confidence and knowledge that this is so, because NOTHING is ever happening. The more I remember to make this choice, the more the choice makes itself.  I have found that when I am diligent with this practice, not only do I automatically start making the choice, but the distractions become more apparent and the return to Self occurs more quickly.  It becomes hard not to remember. The self-floggings start to disappear too.

The wonderful thing is that the choice is all that is needed as NTI says.  There is no effort past this one choice that is needed.  A plant does what it does when you water it.  If you remember to water it, it will grow.  If you are not ready for the meal that has been prepared for you, then earnestly seek the bread crumb.  The moment to moment choice that we make is the bread crumb.

The choice to release all thoughts that are not love is the task.  I have noticed that the most innocent, seemingly harmless false thoughts, can gain momentum like a snowball rolling down a hill.  All thoughts that are not love must not be allowed to linger and take root.  What we look for we will find.  I have looked at situations or people in my experience, and have allowed statements like “this is hopeless”,or, I’ve just had the negative sentiment of judgement without words.  It’s like a silent agreement based on past memory or experience.  The silent negative prophecy in my head.  That person or experience that has not changed, and feels like a fixture in my life, is sometimes held in place by the very thoughts that I think I think privately.  I judge with the usual ignorance that feels like truth.  I trust the law of probability which is grounded in illusion.  I use deductive reasoning, saying “well if it looks and quacks like a duck . . .then there you have it,” and these thoughts often go under the radar, unchecked.  I realize I cannot release only some parts of the script.  I have to release all the ways that I participate in this co-happening.  All thoughts that are not love must go.  Where am I putting my faith?  The choice must be pure, untainted by these subtle outlier thoughts that go unseen, and make our choice unclear, muddling the Truth.  I had the opportunity the other day, to lay myself aside, I was somewhat inflamed by the way a social worker in my office handled an elderly pt. There had been ongoing issues in the office regarding this social worker.  I felt myself gearing up for a rant and I then made the only choice.  I respectfully asked for what I needed for my patient from my office manager and then I put myself aside. I did not bad mouth the social worker but stated my patient’s needs.   It was at that time I made the choice to put myself aside, but something also was taking over me like a silence.  The silence was easy.  I felt no sense of repression or tongue biting, but just the wisdom to stay silent and at peace.  The rest truly was effortless.  Something was happening without effort.  There was the question of “What do you want?”  which was followed by the one choice to set myself aside, knowing that I could not possibly answer that question from a place of will.  It then became apparent that what I wanted was exactly what happened, Peace.

Sometimes, when I ask for help in setting myself aside and I receive it through guidance, I find myself looking at past choices that I have made, and the “I am bad” belief pops up out of nowhere.  I may see the consequences of the choices I have been making, or see the damage or hurt I have caused through past choosing, and I get stuck in self-judgment.  Though I am choosing a new path, there needs to be vigilance about old thoughts that can sabotage this new path with thoughts of guilt.  The Ego may say, “Look at what you did when you weren’t conscious!”  I cannot hide these thoughts from myself, as they are part of the house cleaning that I am doing. Guidance says:  Give them up, they are not yours to judge.  As the new choice you are making sheds light, accept the light, and shine it on every thought that rears its head.

In some areas of my life there would seem to be comfort within the false self, and it can be easy to just remain here, though it causes me pain. The more time spent in the Self, however, the less the false self feels like home. It starts to feel like anxiety, panic, restlessness, irritability . . .  As I look at the self that I have made.  There really are no comforts in it.  It is ever-changing, unpredictable, unreliable, unquenchable.  I no longer find comfort in it.  But my Inability to find comfort in it, is growth.  It is a result of watering the plant as often as I can remember—and the growth, no effort of my own.

The light within can be revealed with the simple choice to give up what we are not.  So precious have I made all these things.  These things that hold together the false self.  My journey, my wounds, my appearances, my status, my story. . .  The mystery of what I am, however, is so alluring at his point in my journey, that there is no more mystery left in the temporary—it comes, it goes—end of story.  What I am, can be revealed in my ability to free-fall into the choice to surrender all knowing.  I have thought, there is no wonder in the mundane life that I live.  Or, there are no miracles to be had here in this dysfunctional situation I find myself in.  But the depth and the possibilities for awakening are endless, right NOW!  In everything that I have judged as madness and a waste of time, who am I to say that God is not in it, when I know that all is in God.  This too is the trap of a “routine” life.  Just lay your judgement aside. “Chop wood, carry water” and AWAKEN if you dare.

An entry from Regina’s personal journal, written from Inner Wisdom on March 17, 2006.

The Reality of Relationships, part I:

Special relationships are those relationships that you have invited into your life through mutual attraction. They may seem to be highly conflicted mixed with love and happiness or they may seem to be purely highly conflicted. Either way, they are not what they seem to be. Either way, they are relationships of spiritual mutual attraction, which makes them especially useful to you.

When “two souls” come together through spiritual mutual attraction, it is because they recognize that they are one. Within the dream and from the ego’s point of view, they come together to help each other forget this fact.

“Two souls” are working together in Love to help each other forget that their purpose is the same. They play the game of forgetting by seeming to have separate wills, when they share a purpose to forget they are one. This is a shared purpose of delusion, but the purpose is shared. Thus, the Son of God cannot and does not have separate wills.

From the Holy Spirit’s perspective, the same thing is happening. “Two souls” as projected aspects of one mind are being used to express free will. Joined in purpose, each gives the other the experience he seeks. Everything is perfect as asked.

Where the ego’s perception and the Holy Spirit’s perception differ is in the interpretation of the reality of the game. To the ego, the oneness is forgotten and the reality is the separateness that is expressed. To the Holy Spirit, the expression is only that, and the reality is the power that expresses it.

Within your experience, an experience of conflict is the clashing of two wills. But in reality it is an agreement within one mind to practice what isn’t real.

Healing is a decision within the mind to reverse the game that is played. Instead of using imagined conflict to play a game of unreality, the perspective of healing uses “conflict” to remember the game isn’t real.

“Two souls” seem separate only within illusion, so that the illusion of separation may be played. When “one soul” recognizes illusion as illusion, the memory of Truth is shared. Illusion cannot stand in the Light of Truth.

From your perspective within the world, separation seems very real. Conflict seems frightening. But the mind is capable of remembering the Truth by choosing not to believe the false.

When your brothers seem to enter into conflict with you, remember that conflict is an agreed-to game to teach what isn’t true. Look at your brother and accept that he is you teaching that he is not. Let yourself feel grateful for the Truth beyond illusion. In gratitude, the illusion disappears.

As you are healed, so is your brother. Bless you for your willingness to look beyond the game. Whenever there seems to be conflict, it is because you are choosing to teach what isn’t true. Remembering the Truth eradicates conflict, as conflict isn’t possible in Truth.

The Reality of Relationships, part II:

Question from RDA: Holy Spirit, thank you for showing me the reality of relationships. I want to use these relationships that were formed for separation as a path for healing. How can I do that?

Inner Wisdom: Every relationship is a reflection of the mind. It is not a reflection of the individual mind, because the individual mind is illusion. It is a reflection of the unhealed ego mind. Every relationship within the world comes together as a reflection of the beliefs and pain that are in the mind. The relationships come together with the purpose of that mind, and they are a perfect reflection of its purpose.

To use the relationships that are made with the purpose of reinforcing separation . . . to use these relationships for healing, you must be willing to reverse the purpose that was given. You must be willing not to play the game you have agreed to play. You must be willing not to reinforce separation by believing in the conflict of wills.

When a brother comes to you and a “conflict” ensues, you must be willing to look in your mind. Do not look at form. It is playing out the agreement. The healing will occur in the mind.

Watch the conflict as it seems to play out. Do not expect it to change. Do not expect that your willingness to heal will result in the disappearance of conflict [in form]. But look at the conflict and accept it for what it is. It is a reflection of the purpose in the mind. Then decide right then, as you look right at it, that you choose a reversal of purpose. Instead of separation, you choose Truth. Hold that thought in your mind. Then as the conflict seems to continue, let it go right then as unreal. Everything you see, every thought you think, every desired reaction. Notice them, remember all that I’ve said, and let them wash away as unreal.

Remember Jesus as he stood before his accusers at the Sanhedrin. The accusers did not change their way. The experience was not seen as peaceful [in form]. But Jesus was at peace and Jesus was in Love, because Jesus knew in his mind that all that he saw and all he experienced was not Truth. It was unreal.

When you believe the conflict, you participate in it through thought. Watch your thoughts and do not participate out of faith that it isn’t real. This is how you use conflict to heal the mind. You let go of what isn’t, and accept what is. This is true forgiveness.

The Reality of Relationships, part III:

Question from RDA: I feel we are to continue our discussion on relationships. Tell me, if the “conflict” continues within the illusion of form, how is it that my brother is also healed as I let go of my belief in the experience?

Inner Wisdom: This is where it becomes important for you to separate illusion from reality within the mind. If you look at a brother and a situation of conflict and ask, “Why isn’t he being healed too,” you believe the illusion. You are expecting form to change. This expectation is the expectation of bringing truth to illusion. You need to bring illusion to truth.

You are not healed through a peaceful, easy life that denies the ego. You are healed by facing the ego and denying it. You deny it while it is rearing its ugly head. You look right at the imagined monster and say, “I know you are not real, and so I will not react to you as if you are.”

As long as the Son of God is unhealed, the ego will show itself in the world. But this is perfect for healing, because you can learn who you are by recognizing the ego’s inability to harm your Truth. As you learn this lesson, it is transmitted into the mind that you share. Every aspect of the mind at some level becomes aware that the ego is not real. Every aspect must accept the message with you, because every aspect is you. But until the message is accepted fully, the ego will still show up in the world.

Question from RDA: Please talk to me about Holy Relationships.

Inner Wisdom: All relationships are holy in the eyes of the Holy Spirit, because all relationships have the purpose of healing. All relationships become holy to you when you decide to share the Holy Spirit’s purpose. Some will continue to seem conflicted; these relationships are used to deny the reality of the ego. And some Holy Relationships will seem helpful; these are a means of hearing the Holy Spirit’s messages for you. But all relationships serve the same purpose. The only question is which purpose are you listening to?

Question from RDA: If love is giving my brother as he has asked, how am I loving him by giving peace when he seeks separation?

Inner Wisdom: Your brother will see what he asks to see until he decides to see differently. If he chooses separation, he will experience separation as he chooses. But you must also remember that your brother shares a mind with you, and this mind [now chooses] healing. So when you give your brother healing, you are giving him what he really wants. When he is ready to see it, he will.

You cannot violate your brother’s free will. Every action you take is an action of Love, as every action is based on shared purpose. Through the decision of one mind, that shared purpose is being reversed. In joining the reversal, you are joining with the purpose of now and extending Love as it is requested.

Spiritual Intuition: A Course in Miracles is a guide to Love, but the course is not Love Itself. Love comes from the awareness and acceptance of the Truth and Joy of Oneness.

RDA: When the ones we live with do not seem to share our desire to be aware of this truth . . . It seems that we have to choose between living in the world with them and consistently working on forgiving the world with You. What can you share with us?

Spiritual Intuition: Stillness holds the answer that you seek. When you feel torn between loved ones in the world and the Love of God, you have forgotten the peace of stillness. To feel torn between any seeming [set of] options is to view the situation through the ego, through the belief in separateness and separate wills.

RDA: Yes, that’s clear. But in the moments that I feel torn, separate wills do appear to be real. How can I let my perspective be changed?

Spiritual Intuition: Your answer is stillness. When you are experiencing through the ego, you are experiencing through the belief in separate wills. When you do this, separate wills seem very real indeed. There is no reason to deny that your experience is your experience. Such denial would be fear, and that would not be helpful.

When you seem faced with the experience of separate wills, know that you are having that experience because you are using the filter of the ego. Then, be willing to put the filter of the ego aside. Be completely willing to take your mind into silence. Let go of all thoughts that tell you that you know anything about the situation. Realize that any knowledge you think you have about the situation is “knowledge” that you learned through the ego. Therefore, its purpose is to support the ego. Then, remember your purpose and let all prior-learned knowledge go.

Let Me say that again: Let all prior-learned knowledge go. Notice that I did not make any exception in that statement.

When you have done this, your mind will be still. Then ask Me in complete humility, “What am I to do now?” The answer will come to you. You may also feel a strong temptation to doubt the answer that comes. The temptation to doubt comes from the belief that you are separate from Me. Do not listen to the temptation to doubt. Listen to what you heard first within the stillness. Give your faith and gratitude to that thought, for that is your answer.

RDA: This is truly great. Thank you. But, I have one more question. The work described above sounds like it will take time. Sometimes, I seem to need to make a decision very quickly. For example, I could have someone seeking help and expressing concerns to me on the phone while Jasmine is pulling on my arm and asking me to hang up and spend time with her. How do I find stillness among the hectic, pressure-filled noise?

Spiritual Intuition: Remember quickly that “hectic, pressure-filled noise” is a perception, and accept that it is nothing more than that. Then ask, “What is the answer now?” That will be enough. Trust the answer that comes. It is the best for everyone.

At the Satang and Sangha retreat, which was the second week of the 2019 Fall Retreat, retreat participants did a group exercise. In this exercise, the groups determined things they could do to increase their desire for awakening.

First, the groups contemplated Key Quotes on True Desire.

Next, they followed inspiration to develop these methods of increasing the desire for awakening:

Group 1:

Each morning, review and contemplate quotes from the handout, “Key Quotes on True Desire.” This handout has quotes from Michael Langford, Adyashanti, Sri Annamalai, Nisargadtta Maharaji, and NTI.

A few insights from the group’s contemplation of those quotes:

• Something early, every day.
• If it’s to be, it’s up to me: focus on trusting Spirit.
• I am being drawn by Spirit, to Spirit.
• I focus on being present, I really want to awaken.
• I strengthen desire by constant focus on desire.
• Be earnest, honest, and gentle with yourself.
• I’m starting right here; I focus on my willingness.
• Feel gratitude when looking back to see how guidance has worked in your life to bring you to this point.
• Seeing guidance in your life increases desire.
• If it comes into your mind to practice, stop and do it–even if it’s only 3-5 seconds.

Group 2:

DIFFICULT SITUATION Exercise

1. THINK OF A DIFFICULT SITUATION – recall it to your mind.
2. Feel the negative feeling associated with it; do not need to list qualities; just be with the anxiety or worry for a moment.
3. Ego-Imagination: Go into your mind, and think of the outcome that your MIND would like to have, that could include indulging in revenge, yelling, or any other form of typical human ego based response, and then contemplate the outcome between you and those involved, what would happen, and how you would feel.
4. Spirit-Imagination: Go into your mind, and image what an awakened person would do, and see yourself responding that way, with a still mind, resting in awareness, and see the outcome, and see how you would feel.

POEM

May I desire liberation
More than anything else;
May I desire this more than my breath
Or any specific outcome or desire

~ ~ ~

Devotion/Desire building –
Body Movement,
Spiritual Re-dedication

1. Left and right hands in front of your chest, palms facing chest, eyes closed.
2. Say your spiritual aspiration out loud or silently, extend your left hand down. For example,  extend your left hand down as you say, “I want to live with God/awareness every moment.”
3. Say outloud or silently – while extending the right hand down, “I will unconditionally attend to my aspiration.”
4. Bring both hands together in a prayer pose over the heart and say, “May I desire liberation above all else.”
5. Bow your head.

THE FIVE AND ONE – written exercise

1. On the left side of a piece of paper, list FIVE specific things – physical things, conditions or circumastances (one at a time) that make you feel happy.
2. To the right of each one, indicate about how LONG, in your opinion, that this would make you happy.
3. Take a moment to notice that these things are temporary and do not last.
4. Now go within and contemplate ONE thing that will make you permanently happy. Deeply reflect on that.

Group 3:

An Affirmation to the Universe

I am willing to see Surrender as the only way.
I make an uncompromising decision to surrender to my Higher Self. I take suffering, mine and my brothers’, to my Higher Self. I let my Higher Self create, build and sustain the desire necessary for my Awakening. I trust the everything that happens is for my Awakening, and for the highest and best good for all of humanity.

Group 4:

Visual and/or Tangible Techniques for Remembering and Increasing True Desire

Put gold or colored stars on a calendar each time I feel I’ve taken a step towards my true desire. For example, add a star on each day that I contemplate truth teachings or meditate.

Create a paper chain out of construction paper. A link gets added to the chain each time I feel I’ve taken a step towards my true desire. The step is written on the newly added link. For example, “Meditated for 1 hour.”

Sit in devotion each day while holding the paper chain.

Keep a gratitude journal. Write about the gifts that I receive as a result of my true desire. For example, “Today I spontaneously understood what was meant by the First Principle of God.”

Keep a true desire journal. Each evening, review my strengths, progress, and weaknesses from that day related to my true desire. This must be done non-judgmentally. The purpose is to keep my commitment or lack of commitment in awareness so I can consciously strengthen commitment.

Make a vision board with symbols that inspire my true desire.

Carry a stone or wear a bracelet that represents my true desire.

Bow in silent devotion daily.

Journal with the inner teacher each day to receive my daily bread.

Use a planner booklet to keep track of the steps I take each day that feel like an outer manifestation of my true desire. For example, “Today I meditated for 40 minutes & journaled about my upset.”