As I reflect back to a couple of decades ago when I first met my now husband, Mike, I recall that I was aware of another side to me – the grumpy, moody, “wanting my way most of the time- girl”. I noticed “her” and did not enjoy when she would rear her ugly head. During these times, I was able to communicate to Mike saying things like, “I don’t know why I feel like this. It’s not you, it’s something inside of me.” and “I know that I am being grumpy right now, I’m sorry.”
Mike was understanding and remained gentle with me (or maybe he was just petrified of me!?) seldom engaging with this grumpiness. Basically, he didn’t participate in this “story” with me.
Mike is a genius with computers and equally so with programming and developing software so I would constantly beg for him to make me a computer chip.
“Mike, I just need a computer chip for my brain. I know all of this crappy self stuff isn’t me and if you just programmed me a chip for my brain, I would be fixed.”
The chip comment went on for years! And I continued to look for the answer as to why I wasn’t able to control these negative emotions. I bought hundreds of self help books (usually not reading them all the way through), joined different churches, took self-help classes, etc. I continued to joke about the chip with Mike while secretly hoping that he was working on it and would surprise me with it one day.
Almost one year ago, when I found myself in the midst of some serious struggle in my life, I was “provided with a reminder” about a book that I had purchased a couple of years ago. I went to my book shelf, found the blue book, took it off and began to read.
This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.
This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.
Quote from A Course in Miracles, the Second Edition, portions of which are subject to copyright by the Foundation for Inner Peace.
I didn’t know exactly what those words meant but I do recall feeling something stir within my soul.
I now realize that there was nothing about me that needed to be fixed. I am as God created me. I am a student in practice to train my mind to remember the Truth of who I am. A Course in Miracles was indeed the chip that I needed.
